but with an enormous fiddle

August

enormousfiddle — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 22:08:34 +0000

enormousfiddle — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 15:18:47 +0000

in this dream i am inhabiting an average house in a northern town ~ there are maybe 6 or 8 of us all with beds in the lower level rooms. there is a moody t rex who comes regularly. his deal is that so long as we say the sorts of things he wants to hear and project an accepting attitude, all is fine. as soon as one of us says the wrong thing, he carries that human off in his enormous teeth and eats it in private. his grasp with the teeth is almost delicate ~ the top half of the body disappears in his mouth and the giant razor sharp spikes close gently… like a strange version of a momma cat with kittens. this dinosaur is very sensitive. there is a woman there whom i am in love with. she has a cold or some other malady and i arrange for the t rex to be distracted so that she can leave. being sick is a viable excuse for absence in this scenerio but coordinating the departure without the dinosaur getting his feelings hurt seemed too difficult.

a story in progress

enormousfiddle — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 15:00:41 +0000

this is the kind of story that has a hole in the middle of it. of course every story has some truth in it but the interesting thing is that when we tell stories over and over, some parts get changed. sometimes this is how we heal, and sometimes this is how we regret but generally this is how we make memories. your memories might come right into the hole in this story and fill it up. that’s one way we make reality.

once upon a time there was a silly bug. she was also sometimes a worried bunny rabbit or a big hearted person. she was from a place near the ocean and her ancestors had come from imperial islands, on giant sailing ships made out of chocolate. why they had settled in a place with swamps and prickers and ice and snow, she would never know. they told her stories sometimes about the twisty forest pathways they walked but silly bug knew those were not her pathways. in the woods there was a little winter witch. she had wrinkled skin and her feet were wrapped in rags. every year she would send out swamp ice through her raggedy feet and freeze all the frogs, but long before the frogs would freeze, the trees would cast off all their pretty dresses and wear just winter skins. this made more room for the sunshine. by the end of winter, the warm sun would thaw out the mud and tickle the frogs until they made happy sounds again. it made the worried bunny so happy to have green shoots and flowers to nibble, but every winter her little toes would sting and she would get the urge to go into the ground and sleep for a long long time. it got to be that when the trees started dancing their dresses off she would cry until her nose ran thinking of the coming cold. her friends all spoke about a place far away – past all the kinds of trees she knew and all the way to the other side of the ocean – where the little winter witch couldn’t quite reach with her icy swampy magic. in this place there were men who were faeries and they mixed gumdrops into the clouds so the clouds would make cool summers and warm winters. it was said that in this place the animals knew how to love so much that all of their hearts would be strung together like telephone wires. silly bug decided to go to this place. she set to writing letters to the people there. she wrote to the frogs and the chihuahuas, to the dolphins and the dancing people, and to the republican farmers and the crazy doctors. one day a crazy doctor called her on her pocket phone and they had one of those funny conversations where everyone sings about the things on top of their minds while they are thinking very hard about the things on the bottom of their minds. what they were singing about was a place where silly bug could dance for children until their sore hearts healed. what silly bug was really thinking about was a certain family of bugs she had just met.

you see when she was sending those letters (by carrier pigeon of course) one of them got turned around and it came to an exquisitely beautiful bug who was also very snarky. he found silly bug (who was then worried rabbit, curled up tight underground) and took her out walking along the train tracks in the foggy night. there was a kind of magic ~ perhaps blown from San Francisco ~ that made that evening warm and foggy in the middle of the winter. silly bug grew fond of snarky bug and she had a feeling in her heart that they’d be good friends for a long time. snarky bug introduced silly bug to a whole bunch of other bugs and they were wonderful! there was a lady bug who had very pretty spots and there were two little bugs who caused silly bugs heart to grow at least one and a half sizes larger. these bugs took turns being quiet bugs or anxious grasshoppers and sometimes they were even bunnies too.

as soon as she met them, silly bug wanted to spend lots of time with these friends and she did! she drove the windy roads between the pine trees until her pocket phone stopped working and when she came to their house high on the hill, a feeling like the mountain breezes and wildflowers would come over silly bug. she watched the snow fall and played games with her friends and slept between snarky bug and lady bug at night. from afar this looked as fun as a horse rolling on his back on a dusty day.

Checkpoints

enormousfiddle — Sat, 22 May 2010 18:16:33 +0000

In my dream I am traveling and visiting an all girls ‘ school or nunnery. I have been taking classes it seems and have managed to get a bachelors degree. It seems incidental and I might also be young. I look hard to find a one stall bathroom where I can put on makeup before my friend and I leave for a journey abroad. I find a bathroom behind the kitchen off a hallway that clearly only the help are supposed to use. The door is like a set of shutters that fit together. The closure is an old iron hook and eye- in the dream I pause and notice how fond I am of this type of latch and how it reminds me of my grandmother’s house. The whole bathroom is like hers and I feel safe there. Beauty routine witnessed by clawfoot tub, fluffy rug and fruity soaps, I become ready to go. The journey includes many check points and at each one I must go thru electronic passport proceedures. I swipe the card and attempt to use my new mini-mac computer to fill out the instatronic customs questionnaire. Unfortunately, as the tired techy Hipster customs support boys keep explaining, because my cute little mac is new, there is a tiny safety and anti-theft device installed just under this access flap. What I do to get around this is to pull out my boat shaped toy caddy. I can swipe any one of my action figures and it activates the children’s customs menu. Each figure prompts a pre-filled customs statement that the customs computer reads out loud in a voice matching the idiom of the toy. The space robot elicits a choppy robotic voice saying, “while space robot is in France he will colonize the nation.” The wrestler figure prompts a monster truck voice,”the wrestelator is going to dominate good times and crush crush crush new Zealand! “
I wake and blog this on my computer-phone.

i offer you love

enormousfiddle — Fri, 14 May 2010 18:49:49 +0000

i am in a place where people are gathering for a festival. i meet new people and learn their names. there is a group of 2 or three women ~ one of them has some pictues in her pocket. i ask about them and she shares this friend of hers has died and she is associated with a goddess ~ both are in the pictures. i see and sense the resemblance: both snapshots and goddess images show a woman wth brown skin, long flowing black hair, and flowing clothing in warm flowery tones. i feel moved by this story and feel a mix of sadness and admiration. the group i am traveling with moves on ~ to a vehicle and a building. a little later i am in a hallway listening to two friends re-meeting in a doorway. the pictures are there again and i begin greating and singing a song ~ a chant of offering. i want to teach this song to my friends so we can honor the woman and the goddess. i can’t find the woman’s name ~ for a moment there is frustration about this. i know the goddess name but am searching for the mundane name. as i search a truth comes to me: it is impossible to separate the woman from the goddess because each of us (male, female, person, plant, animal, stone) is a divine being. the realization is more physical than cognative: it creates an expansion in my chest and all my feelings of tension are replaced by joy that is sweet and perpetual. the feeling stays palpable as my body wakes. i can feel the gradual shift all the way to consciousness inside this delicious sweetness. the knowledge and sensation comes fluidly into my conscious self and i move my body effortlessly in the bed, gathering and playing with delight from everywhere. i sing part of the song that remains “i offer you love…” feeling out the notes with vilnerability, appeciation, and self acceptance. i make a plan to record this experience and share it with my friends.

enormousfiddle — Sun, 24 May 2009 21:02:56 +0000

i think i am interested in british boys with whispy hair today

the palestinian cannon

enormousfiddle — Mon, 11 May 2009 17:22:55 +0000

i want to say that this dream takes place in Poland but it must have been the middle east. there is also a sex scene that fits in some timeframe of the dream but i am not sure where – perhaps the middle or end. in the sex scene there is a lovely triad between myself and two women with thicker hips than mine. we are all at ease and tending towards deep connection and languid caresses in the midst of more passionate moments. these women are strong and self sufficient but also feminine in an old world way. they could knit you anything. anyway there is a deep battle going on – palestinians and israelis i believe. i am getting ready to fly home and i decide to move my car just a bit down the street – right behind my friend’s car. just a moment after that a tank in the dimensions of a firetruck arrives. i suppose it is designed for these city streets. there is some alarm sound and then small missiles erupt from a cannon on this thing. they spray in a complete 180 degree arc towards the spot where my car was just parked. as i notice this, i feel heat on the front of my legs – they’ve been grazed by the firestorm. i am shocked i have been hit but get the sense it isn’t too bad. i retreat indoors with the supportive women and also talk with matt. i think it was his car i parked next to. there is talk about the politics of the situation – the women are tired of the endless fighting and are angry at the palestinians who have the tanks. matt is anxious to try to get me to the airport on time…

memory of another dream intercedes. in that dream i am male and part of a trio of magical superheroes who travel inside a strange object wearing barberella clothes and saving the day with special animal amulets.

matt sees there is an ambulance – more flashy and modern than the rest of the dream – down an alley and he sends me to see the medic as it is safer and quicker than trying to get to the hospital. when he looks at my legs, they have developed blisters and are blackened all along the shins. i am horrified at the state of them and suppose i have been too caught up in the action of the moment to notice. the medic peels off my burnt skin in complete, thick, textured sheets – like turning my legs inside out. it doesn’t hurt as much as you’d think. he covers my legs with tubes of gauzy material – like the sock we used to put over the rolling pin. i find myself feeling optimistic that my upper legs were not burned. at this point i think matt suggests that i just leave my car behind (even though it didn’t get all shot up like the other cars on the street) and catch the next flight. i’m inclined to agree with him. it is a little difficult to give up my car but worthwhile in the case of saving my life. i wonder if matt is coming with me.

i wake unsettled and check my legs.

pat the bunny

enormousfiddle — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 18:15:28 +0000

i had a lovely dream this morning where i was in a place where people were cuddling and listening to a wise speaker. i interacted with a masculine and a feminine type persons and we reveled and laughed over and around my plastic purple dress. it was enticing and lovely in moments and just crumply in others.

at one point open and fluid performance was happening and i joined a man who was playing an electric violin but with a real violin as the bow. i took the real bow and started teasing a puppy dog with it – in time to the music and with dancing. after i gave the bow back (unchewed) i discovered an instrument that was also a bunny rabbit. it was smallish (like a cottontail) and round (like a beret hat) and i could drum on it without making it upset or uncomfortable. it merely regarded me with compassion and continued to be fuzzy.

enormousfiddle — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 14:46:51 +0000

in this morning’s dream i am in a new city with lots of new places and people. derek is there and so is matt. we are talking about where to go… there is a yoga studio that sells beautiful flowing clothing meant for moving in.

the dream is about familiarity and when and how i choose it. there isn’t much that is familiar for me to choose from these days but i am learning a lot about creating it.

enormousfiddle — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 17:05:00 +0000

reading my last post i am struck by how much things have not changed while i feel washed in a sea of changes. i still don’t recall my dreams and i’ve been shaken and frightened in the cold moments of morning and evening. and then there are significant, subtle changes. i believe i am going to shift to writing in my own journal more again. i am aware of the pull to honor my time with myself and the immense challenge of doing so with a whirlwind of lovely things going on around me.